Perception and Reality

After taking essentially 3 weeks off from running (ok there was a 29.5 mile race mixed in there), I’m back to training. After feeling down on myself for having such a poor showing at FANS, I rashly signed up for the Birkie Trail Run 100K. I can’t say that it was a bad decision, but I don’t know that I thought it through very hard. I have 14 weeks to find a way to turn it into a good idea.

My biggest concern is the cut-off, 17.5 hours. That’s a 17:17 pace (based on the stated distance of 60.7 miles, although there are two other, shorter, listed distances for the course). My 50K pace in April? 17:17. Hmmm.

The other concern I have is that hardly anyone runs it. It might be a lonely day out there. But then again, I won’t hear anyone chattering in my ear.

In order to finish this race, I’m going to have to work hard. I mean, obviously. Haven’t I been working hard all along though? I’ve run a marathon and 3 ultra-distances in the past year so I must be working hard.

Nope.

I think I work hard though. I convince myself that I am working hard, putting lots of effort into running, pushing myself. But I really don’t. There are flashes of real, honest effort – the sub-zero training runs I did over the winter, for example. I’m not going to pretend to downplay those runs – I know in those moments I was a badass.

I take the path of least resistance in most aspects of life, even when it comes to hard stuff like running an ultra (or becoming an engineer – by the way, I passed that test I was whining about). My training volume is very, very low compared to the average ultra runner, and while training is individual and what works for one person doesn’t work for another, all I know is low-volume training. So how do I know that running 60 miles/week average isn’t actually better for me than 36-37 miles/week average? I don’t. But I pretend to myself that I’m doing enough.

I can’t pretend anymore, if I want to succeed at the Birkie. I have to really work. I have to take a serious look at my nutrition and drop a bit of weight. I have to get up early on the weekends to get the miles in. I have to find the time for the miles, not find the miles for the time. I have to get serious about strength workouts beyond just some pushups and MYRTLs. I have to run uncomfortably sometimes. I have to stop giving myself permission to do less than what is required.

This is going to be interesting for me. It’s a chance to re-think what is possible for me, and to achieve something that five years ago wasn’t even on my radar, let alone within my capabilities. It’s a chance to get closer to the abstract goal of running a hundred miler someday, to turn that possibility somewhere over the horizon into a probability somewhere just down the road.

Beast of Burden

I ran Midnight Sun Midnight Run 5K again this year, my third time running it. (First time here, second time here.) I finished in exactly the same time as I did last year, 30:02. I’m not super thrilled about it. I was hoping to not go back over that 30 minute mark, but my mental game is not strong right now.

I finally had my exam yesterday, and it didn’t go well at all. I mean, there’s still a possibility I passed, but it wasn’t my best day. I guess I’m out of practice with 1. taking test and 2. engineering from an academic perspective. I’m not excited at the prospect of more studying, though I’ve got a solid base so I won’t have to spend hours a night studying. So that’s good.

Before yesterday, I thought that I’d enjoy the race, that it would be a chance for me to run off some of the frustration of the last few weeks, or to triumphantly celebrate if the test went well. Instead, the results of the day weighed me down. 6 hours of stressful testing sapped me of my energy, and I just couldn’t get it back, certainly not for a midnight race.

The race itself was fine. There were fewer people there this year, possibly because it was in the low 60s and windy by race time, but still humid. I wore shorts and a t-shirt anyway and wasn’t cold. My husband was running the race with me, and we ran about a mile warm-up. The wind was pretty strong, and I knew it would be a factor and was planning to avoid going out hard, since I’d hit the wind the hardest in the second half-mile of the course.

I discovered we had started way too far back in the race pack. Last year, there were plenty of people behind us, but this year, we were almost at the back. That was stupid, because right at the start, I hit a wall of walkers. I should have moved closer to the front, but oh well. I passed a bunch of people and had a decent first mile despite the weaving, bobbing, and the wind.

The rest of the race wasn’t great. I didn’t have any giddy-up in me. I had heartburn from dinner (salmon and rice, but I had eaten too much and too recently, so I was too full), and I had no heart to put into my race. No desire to keep pushing. The hills slowed me a bit although I battled through them, but I slowed considerably in the last mile, and couldn’t get going again. I find that once I come down from a harder pace, I can’t easily find it again. But I think I can, and think I’m back to cruising, only to look down and see I haven’t.

I can’t be too mad about this. I haven’t been running much at all, and I have certainly not been working on speed. At this point, I think all the easy gains are gone from the 5K – if I want to get better, it’s going to require a lot of effort. I’m not sure I’m interested in giving up distance for speed, especially since I find there’s a lot more room for improvement and discovery at long distances, but there’s still opportunities to increase my speed overall. I just have to figure out how to want it again.

I’ve got 3 weeks left until Curnow, which isn’t great. I thought I had 4. I’m looking forward to the race, and I’ve got to remain positive about it. So my training isn’t the strongest – that’s fine. I’m not burned out. I’m not injured (knock on wood). I’m ready to give myself a chance to get back on track mentally.

Especially since I signed up to run the Birkie Trail Run 100K at the end of September. Gulp.

Ways to Destroy Your Body Without Even Running

I ran about 4 miles this past weekend (21.7 miles for the week, mostly on a treadmill) but my muscles are more stiff and achy than they have been in a long time. This is due to the following three things:

  1. Rocking out super hard at the Iron Maiden concert on Friday.
    My husband, my friend, and I went to the Iron Maiden/Ghost concert at the Xcel Energy Center last Friday. We were in the seats rather than on the floor, which was good and bad (I got a little anxious just looking at the sea of humanity packed down there), but there was still enough energy and excitement in the building that we were out of our seats headbanging and jumping around. My calves got a heckofa workout and my neck wasn’t in great shape the next day. After the concert, we spent a lot of time standing around and talking to other friends, then had a long-ish walk back to the car, and then went to Mickey’s Diner (not the streetcar one) for some late night grub. We didn’t get back to my friend’s house til after 1:00 and I didn’t get to sleep til probably 3, thanks to adrenaline and ringing in my ears.
  2. Kneeboarding on Saturday.
    After returning to Duluth, we headed out to Pike Lake to hang out with my family. My sister in law and her dad ran Grandma’s (as did many of my friends – I was having FOMO about missing the race – but only missing spectating, not missing running. Too many people running, too hot.) and both had great races, despite the heat. Of course, it cooled off in the late afternoon, too late for the marathoners. This did not stop my brother, my husband, and me from kneeboarding, though. It was a bit cold but not bad. However, my shoulders, upper back, and triceps weren’t thrilled. I look forward to getting a full range of motion back. Also the swim ladder collapsed onto my hand (my own stupid fault), so my palm has a bruise.
  3. Moving on Sunday.
    This was actually the least strenuous activity. My grandparents are moving back to Duluth this coming Saturday, so my dad, stepmother, and I moved in some furniture for them to get their place ready. We didn’t move anything big or super heavy, just some mattresses, chairs, and a few other things.

Looking at my weekend from this perspective, I think I still got some decent physical activity in, despite the dearth of running. I wouldn’t quite call it cross-training, but it was better than nothing.

The Time Off That Wasn’t

*Hmmm, perhaps I should have added a title the first time around. Fixed*

I’d been really looking forward to taking time off running and then easing back into it, but it’s not working out the way I thought.

The main reason for this is I am incredibly stressed about the FE exam. I don’t feel prepared, and I’m running out of time. Rescheduling is not an option, both because I don’t want to pay their stupid fee to reschedule, and also because the format of the test changes starting in July. (It’s currently straight up multiple choice, but with the next testing window, they will have other options like fill in the blank or something, which in my opinion makes the test significantly harder. I guess I’ll find out if I don’t pass this time around!) It’s my own fault for 1. putting the test off so long that I’ve forgotten a lot of the stuff I learned in class and 2. putting off studying until — well, not the last minute, but it is starting to feel that way.

I’m studying for hours every night, and I feel guilty about running. That’s an hour I’m not studying. I tell myself there’s no guarantee that I will actually spend that extra hour studying, that I might end up farting around online or one of my other patented avoidance techniques. At least running is something productive, and gets out some of my nervous energy. Sort of.

My new treadmill was delivered on Tuesday. I opted for a slightly better model than I previously had (so, instead of the cheapest, I got the second cheapest). It’s quieter, the design is a bit more streamlined, and it has a small fan built in. It also has a decline option, so I can run at a 1% or 2% downhill grade in addition to up to a 10% incline. I wasn’t too sure about how that would feel, but I gave it a shot on Tuesday and it didn’t feel like I was going to fall through the front of the treadmill.

While the treadmill isn’t my favorite choice for a workout, it comes in handy because I don’t waste any excess time driving to a trail, or getting stuck at stoplights. It worked out well yesterday also because we had San Francisco levels of fog for most of the day.

In addition to the anxiety over my test, I’m missing that feeling of accomplishment that comes from running for 2 hours on a weekday after a full day of work. These short runs don’t provide that sense of smug self-satisfaction I get from these medium length weekday runs. I’m not running on trails, either, which I miss, and which I need to get out on, since I’ve got that trail marathon coming up.

I only have *gulp* 8 more days of this before I can get back to higher mileage weeks. I’m looking forward to longer runs (especially now that it is mostly nice out and the sunset is sooooo late), but I’m also terrified about this stupid test and wouldn’t mind an extra 8 days to study. I’m running the Midnight Sun Midnight Run 5K the night after my test, so it’ll either be a triumphant run or a dejected run, depending on my perception of this exam (I don’t get immediate results).

Doldrums

In the past 12 days, the only running I’ve done was on race day. I planned it this way for the most part (although I was hoping to do some walking last week to stay active, and didn’t), but I also expected a different outcome from the race, so now I’m re-thinking my plans. I will probably give myself this coming weekend off, and then start running some short miles the next couple weeks. This makes sense, based on all the things I’ve had to consider.

  • My left foot is mostly back to normal, but while the blister on my right heel (the one that never healed fully from CM50K) doesn’t hurt, it also needs to grow back skin of the proper thickness and texture.
  • The chafing on my legs is mostly healed, although I wore a skirt to work yesterday and noticed a bit of irritation.
  • I’m sleeping like garbage, thanks to early sunlight, constantly hungry cats, a snoring spouse, and Born to Run (the Springsteen memoir, not the running book).
  • Most of the rest of my body healed really quickly after FANS, I suppose since there weren’t any huge climbs and I wasn’t going very fast, but I did develop a knot in my back that turned rather painful. Deep breaths still hurt. (I had scheduled a massage, but there was a mix-up with the scheduling, so I didn’t get one.)
  • I’m taking the Fundamentals of Engineering exam on June 23rd, and I need to study every night. I don’t have time for long runs, I don’t have time to procrastinate starting my runs – I have to allot all my procrastination time to avoiding studying. This is the absolute top priority in my life for the next 2 weeks. And let’s hope it’s over after that! Yikes.
  • I signed up for 2 short races between now and Curnow on July 15th. I signed up for Midnight Sun Midnight Run 5K on June 23rd (a good way to run off all the stress of the test that same day), which was planned. This will be my 3rd year running this race, it’s always fun! I also signed up for the Park Point 5 Miler on July 13th. So yes, 2 days before Curnow. I ran this 2 years ago and had my first disappointing race. A dubious milestone, I know. I didn’t run it last year because I was supposed to run Curnow, which of course I didn’t do. This year, I’m going to run it and see if I can get some of those race week jitters out of my system.

So, that’s a lot of thinking about something fairly insignificant – in other words, the same approach I take to all things running. I’m looking forward to getting back out there, especially now that the weather is better!

Race Report: FANS 24 Hour Race

Official Results:
Distance: 29.5 mi
Placing:
Overall: 116/147
24 Hrs: 77/84
Gender: 18/19

Watch Results:
Time: 10:24:37 (This includes about 25 minutes of time between when I finished my last lap and when I finally stopped my watch)
Pace: 19:57
Distance: 31.3
Heart Rate: N/A

Goals:
A: 100 mi
B: 90 mi
C: 75 mi

Food:
What I ate the night before: sesame chicken with brown rice, chicken satay skewers
What I ate on race morning: bagel, Clif bar
What I carried with me: n/a

Gear:
What I wore: to start – tank top, shorts, trucker hat; later changed to t-shirt, shorts, trucker hat
Gadgets: GPS watch, fitness tracker

Discussion: There’s nothing like “failure” to make me want to try again.

Also it’s really funny that 9 months ago, I’d never even run a marathon, and now I’m looking at 29.5 miles as failure. Once that thought popped into my head yesterday, I started to feel ok with the results.

I have a long history of quitting when it comes to running. I walked the mile runs in gym class because I didn’t want to put in the effort. I ended up in the duty van in college during ROTC physical training runs far too often, because I would rather quit than be so much slower than everyone else. I DNSd 2 races last year because I didn’t get enough sleep the night before. So in some ways it’s not surprising that I quit this race so early on.

My husband and I drove down to the Twin Cities on Friday afternoon, picked up my packet, and then went to my dad’s to transfer all my supplies to his truck. The plan was: I stay at my dad’s Friday night, he takes me to the race, we set up, he crews me til late afternoon; my husband stays at our hotel Friday night so he can sleep as late as possible, he arrives at the race in the late afternoon to crew me til the next morning. That part worked out pretty well, although I slept really poorly. I must have gotten an hour or two of sleep at some point, but nothing really restorative.

It was 75F at 6:30 a.m., so that was not the best omen. It took about half an hour to drive to the race start, which was really easy to find and had plenty of parking. We unloaded some of the gear, set up the tent, and then I ate a bit before heading over to the start. I should have made sure we unloaded the chairs, so that I could have sat down for a bit before the race started. Not that it really mattered in the end, but still, I was standing and moving around for an hour before the race started. I didn’t warm up, but I wasn’t planning on it.

The race started right on time, and we did a shorter out and back on the path before turning around and starting our first full loop. The trail loops around Snelling Lake and has significant sections of shade, though it also had stretches of full sun. The shaded sections were actually bearable, but when the sun blazed down on me, it sapped away my energy. By noon, the temperature had reached 90F. I know that’s nothing compared to the heat from, say, Western States or Badwater or Marathon des Sables, but I have had zero heat training.

I ran almost all of the first “long” loop (the out & back + the full loop), stopping to walk for 5 minutes so I could finish my Clif bar. I did a few intervals of Run 30/Walk 5, then went to Run 10/Walk 5, and then deteriorated into Walk Slowly/Run Occasionally. The loops all kind of blend together to me, so a traditional recap isn’t going to make a lot of sense.

During (I think?) my 9th loop, I was walking along and heard some cracking noises. I thought it was squirrels or just trees moving in the breeze. Nope. A tree came crashing down about 20 feet behind me, and maybe 15 feet behind a runner coming up to pass me. We looked at each other in shock, then I high-fived him, because what else do you do to celebrate a near miss like that?

The heat was really frustrating to me. I’m so envious of the folks who were still able to run in the heat, and who didn’t seem to have even a touch of sunburn. I was reapplying sunscreen every 1.5-2 hours, and I STILL got sunburned (though not too badly). All I could think about was making it until the sun went down. If I could just hang on, and keep moving forward at whatever slow pace I could comfortably manage, I could rally in the evening.

My friends showed up around the 6 hour mark, and one of them did loops 10-12 with me. My feet were starting to hurt, so I’d changed into my trail shoes to relieve some of the pain from the gravel. The extra support and the rock plate helped a bit, but the bases of both my heels were really hurting. After loop 10, I took my socks off to see what was up. On my left foot was a blister stretching across most of the circumference of my heel. On my right foot was a blister that had formed on top of the remnants of an old blister (from Chippewa Moraine, I think!), about the size of a walnut, puffing out about half an inch. So, no wonder. I lanced them as best as I could, bandaged them up, and started moving again. It didn’t feel amazing but it felt a little better.

I managed 2 more slow laps, talking with my friend, gimping along, and then sat down to rest again and talk with them. They decided to leave, and just as I was gearing up to leave again, my dad told me my stepbrother and sister in law and my 2 nephews were at the park getting their permit. I didn’t think they were coming since it was so hot and my younger nephew had been sick. I decided to stay until they arrived, and then talked to them for a little while, ate some of the snacks they brought me, and then headed out for what I didn’t know would be my final lap, lucky #13. The blister on the right hurt a lot, and I ended up changing my gait to try to accommodate it, which was bad news. I planned to try to tape it up better with some moleskin, and I did, but when I got up to test it out, the chafing on my inner thighs/near my shorts liner really started to sting and burn, despite changing my shorts, cleaning the salt away with wet wipes, and slathering the area with Vaniply and Vaseline.

So I quit. I chose to take the easy way out. Neither the chafing nor the blisters were the worst anyone has seen in the history of chafing and blisters, but I didn’t see any reason to continue and to make them worse. (It’s 2 days later and I’m wearing flip-flops at work, so I’m glad I didn’t in that regard.) I had sort of stopped caring about the race, and there wasn’t much to look forward to, just endless loops. I didn’t want to trudge around in a circle with a stinging crotch for 14 more hours. That was really not going to give me any guidance as to my readiness for a longer race.

It’s funny that in the end, it didn’t even matter that I was undertrained. I was plenty well trained for 29.5 miles! And while the heat really concerned me, I think I managed my hydration well (I only lost a pound at the first weigh-in, and had the same weight at the second weigh-in, probably because I wasn’t running hard), I didn’t have much nausea, and I still had the sense that I could pick it up once the sun went down.

I’m chalking this race up to a learning experience, even if it wasn’t the learning experience I was looking for. There were still a LOT of lessons for me.

  1. Having a crew makes me uncomfortable.
    My dad was so kind and gracious to sit out there in the heat for 10 hours, fill my water bottles, monitor my food, and support me. He kept offering to do other things, like spray me with sunscreen, but it just made me feel more guilty and uncomfortable. I am so used to doing everything for myself, since I usually go to races alone. I spent extra time at my tent because I felt bad that he was by himself. He did enjoy the people-watching; I think he was getting too many ideas from one of the other crews nearby – there were like 7 people crewing one guy and they were like a NASCAR pit crew! No thank you. I think if I do a long race, I won’t enlist a crew until the later stages, when I need extra gear or to get resupplied or something.
  2. Visitors are too much of a distraction.
    It was awesome to have my friends and family visit. But it kept me at the campsite longer than I should have. It was also sort of demoralizing that when I was running with my friend, he was walking. So I walked, too, when maybe I could have run here and there. And I talked, which slowed me down, too. It would have been better if we were both entrants in the race and could meet up, part ways, meet up, and so on.
  3. I brought too much stuff.
    I should have just relied on aid stations. I didn’t need like 75% of the stuff I brought, and again, it kept me in the campsite longer than I needed to be.
  4. Running a marathon doesn’t destroy me physically anymore.
    I’m not walking around much, but that’s mostly due to the blisters, since even without shoes on, they hurt. I have some general soreness in my back and my hips, but that’s it. Granted, I took several long breaks, but I still traveled 29.5 miles.
  5. I’m the slowest walker ever.
    I’m short, and I’m long-waisted. So my legs are not really built for fast walking. But it was hard to be out there, seeing people putting in a similar effort but passing me with ease, or even seeing people struggling and being unable to catch up with them.
  6. Summer is not the time to try new distances.
    I don’t do well in the heat, so I think it’s best left to the spring and fall when I’m trying something new, at least as long as I’m living in Duluth.
  7. I don’t really like timed race formats.
    I like point to point races. I like running a set distance, rather than a set amount of time. I just couldn’t shift my paradigms enough. I really should do more “run for x number of hours” training runs, to try to get into that mindset better.
  8. I will totally do this race again.
    Maybe just one more time, for “revenge.” It was such a cool atmosphere, though! I mean, I got an email from the race director yesterday with the subject line “Well, THAT Happened!” These are my people. The race rules packet was littered with funny, snarky comments. The whole attitude is so relaxed – it’s not full of aggressive, hyper-competitive runners, it’s full of people doing their own thing, whether that’s winning, taking it easy, or doing all their laps in the opposite direction. And the volunteers were so great! Especially the lap counters. My lap counter (a guy for the first 6 hours and a woman for the last 4) were SO cheerful every time I came through, calling out my name and telling me great job. This is a real benefit of a looped course: getting to know the volunteers and making a connection. So many more times to thank them, too.

Now I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m getting a massage tomorrow, and then I’m not running for awhile. At first I said two weeks, but now that I didn’t really go above and beyond in distance, I might amend that. HOWEVER, no running until my feet heal completely. Curnow is in 6 weeks, so I do need to be mindful of that and at least put in a bit of training. Maybe I’ll have a really great performance there, since I didn’t beat myself into the ground this past weekend!

FANS 24HR Race Goals

Tomorrow I’ll be running in circles for 24 hours. I’m in denial, as usual.

noidea

I have no clue what this will be like. I haven’t run longer than 50km or 10 hours. It might be hot. It might be cold. It might storm. It might be sunny. It might be all of these things, and more.

My goals are:
A Standard: 100 mi
B Standard: 90 mi
C Standard: 75 mi

I don’t know how achievable any of these are. I suppose it depends on conditions, my health, and my mental capacity.

Less quantifiable goals:
1. Relentless forward progress. No long breaks. No sleeping in the tent. No quitting early.
2. Avoid sunburn and manage heat.
3. Eat and drink well. Keep my GI system healthy.
4. Finish happy, healthy, and with my relationships with my husband and my dad intact.
5. Gain a better understanding of what else I need to do to be prepared to run a 100 mile race next year.

If I do those three things, I should be able to achieve any of the distance standards I’ve planned out.

I’ve overpacked, overplanned, and undertrained for this race. Sounds like a typical situation for me.